Aftermath
by MonroeSeven
Summary: NOT SLASH! Remus mourns the death of sirius and reminisces about better times. who knows, maybe there'll be someone to give Lupin romantic solace...


Just a quick little disclaimer-- everything belongs to J.K. And for the record, all the dialog in this 1st chapter is directly from book 5... won't accuse me of plagiarism... ENJOY! More chapters to come later!

Aftermath

Remus Lupin reclined into the worn armchair and let loose a long, exhausted sigh. He closed his eyes briefly, allowing the common room fire to seep its way into his tired bones. He was only seventeen, yet he felt forty. Remus stared dejectedly at the fire and mused over the day's events; in Potions Sirius and James cleverly answered all of Professor Hawkback's questions, not without making the whole class hysterical with each retort. Everyone _loved_ Sirius. He was witty, he was handsome, he was popular with the girls.... The teachers adored him even if they frowned at his slacker, rebellious nature. Sirius was a genius and yet he chose to use his brilliant mind whenever he saw fit. Remus nearly snarled jealously at the thought. He had to work hard for his good grades while Sirius took his studies and his brilliant mind casually. _It's not fair_, Remus moaned inwardly and curled himself into the comfy chair, wrapping his arms around his legs and burying his head in his knees, causing his long hair to veil his face.

He didn't want to dwell on what was fair and what was not. With that thought, Remus lifted his head to look out the common room window and gaze and the first quarter moon: seven more days until it was full. Seven more days until he once more experienced his transformation hell from man to monster. His stomach was beginning to get that tight, wrenching knot he always got the week before the full moon. Remus tore his gaze away from the window and angrily glared at the fire. If only his life were different. If only things had been different... Remus would whole-heartedly deal with Sirius's family problems than be a werewolf.

He thought of his friend sleeping upstairs in the dormitory that they shared with James and Peter. Lying on his back, one arm behind his head, the opposing knee bent upwards, his pajama shirt unbuttoned all the way. Lupin rolled his eyes. Even in his sleep Sirius posed like a playboy. And what Remus wouldn't give to be him. His thoughts became angrier as his jealousy rose. _It wasn't fucking fair..._

__

Lupin blinked at the swishing veil. He had no idea as to why that particular flashback played in his mind during the painstakingly slow minute it took Sirius to fall. By the time his mind and body had reacted, it was too late; Sirius had been halfway through the veil. Lupin had reeled for him with the image of 7th year Sirius asleep and posing in bed imprinted in his mind while he watched in horror as Sirius fell backwards, backwards... His mouth opened automatically and was about to yell out when he heard the cry of another— Harry.

Lupin stopped running and grabbed for Harry instead, pulling him back by the chest to keep him from lunging any farther.

"There's nothing you can do Harry--" he said, the shock evident in his voice.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" Harry screamed as he struggled against Remus's hold.

"It's too late Harry--"

"We can still reach him--, " Harry said as he struggled to break free.

Lupin felt like shaking him._ Didn't he understand? Sirius was gone..._

"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...He's gone."

Shock and nausea washed over him as he said it. Harry wouldn't stop wriggling and yelling. .

"He can't come back, Harry", he choked out. His throat constricted and his mouth suddenly went too dry to say much else. "He can't come back because he's dead." Lupin was so dazed he wasn't prepared when Harry whizzed around and bellowed at him.

"HE—IS—NOT—DEAD! SIRIUS!!!"

Lupin swallowed forcedly and pulled Harry away from the dais. Why was the kid being so stubborn! Didn't he understand Sirius wasn't going to come back?! Lupin's disbelief seeped into him like a chill and he was lost in his own thoughts.

His best friend was gone. Gone... Remus Lupin was now all alone... The friend who he had been so envious of as a boy was dead. Remus felt sick to his stomach. His legs turned to string-cheese and weren't going to support him any longer. He couldn't breathe. Not Sirius. He had just got him back... Surely, not Sirius. Never Sirius... His grip on Harry slackened and Remus felt him yank his arm out of his grasp.

"Harry—no!" he yelled. Harry tore after Bellatrix and shouted something back to Lupin, but what exactly Lupin never heard.

There was a great ringing in his ears and Remus swayed on his feet. The world was tilting. A ton of bricks lay on his chest, crushing him. He had never felt so old as in that moment. He was the only one left. He was all alone. His best friend, the person who had meant the world to him, the person he envied more than all others was gone. The last marauder blacked out.


End file.
